Sometimes I feel confident and that’s what drives me to do something, but I am personally driven by many other things that aren’t necessarily confidence. The perfect example can be found in music and its role in my life. I have been playing piano for years and have recently taken up the guitar; I have also been straining my vocal chords in an attempt to get them to co-operate with my fingers in producing something decent. At my last ACYL camp, I brought my guitar along and when talent night rolled around, I was really nervous. At this time though, a fellow facilitator took me aside to play for her and this helped a lot. I saw that she believed in me and that I could do well, so I got up in front of everyone and sang Hallelujah by Leonard Cohen and I get the vibe that it went really well. I was never confident from the get-go, even when sitting on the stage with my guitar in my hands, but I knew that my good friend believed in me and that she wanted me to try it out, so I did. This friendship pushed me to do more!
Likewise, I’ve recently written a new song that was inspired by ACYL. I showed a few ACYLers a cheap clip of me playing and singing it and I was told to play it at a concert last night, so I did. This took a lot of work on my brain’s part, but I just thought of all my great friends from the seminar and I stepped onto that stage feeling that they were with me! I was not particularly confident when performing last night, but nonetheless, I got up there for my ACYL friends and did my best for them because I felt that what my song showed had to be put out there. I had a goal, and I was going to reach it with or without confidence...for my friends!
I’m hard to understand by times, but I think that confidence is overrated because there is so much that pushes us to reach our goals each and every day. Friends and family are a big part of my motivation to do what I do in my community and in the co-op world; I may not be as confident as I should be, but I’m backed up by some amazing people. I can be a confident guy, but I also tend to think everything over far too much, so I need backing up by times and that’s where the great people and experiences in my life come into play. I would not be who I am without them and any confidence that I have is not a gift, but rather a project that has been worked on for years…but by no means on my own.
Confident or not…I feel I have to keep going. Sometimes I’m real confident, sometimes I’m not, but I feel that I have a good head on my shoulders and am ready to tackle stuff whether I’m confident or not. With this being said, I can only tackle what I tackle, whether confident or not, when I know that it really means something. I’m constantly pushed to do better and I love this…even if I may be struggling confidence-wise!